StarUSPS

Why is the post office going all Starbucks on me? Back in the day, you could hand them a package, they'd weigh it, and charge you, but now there's a whole new lingo:

-Could I have a cup of coffee/ Could I mail this package book rate?
-You mean a tall black Columbian medium brew?/ You mean media mail?
-Whatever.
-That doesn't have espresso in it/ That excludes Premium and Super-Duper services...
-Right. Just the cheapest way.
-Do you want a double light mocha whipped swirl on that?/ Do you have any bombs or explosives in the package? Any personal correspondence or letters?
-No, just a cup of coffee/book.
-Well, that'll be $2.37 and it'll take at LEAST 3 minutes for me to get/ 3 days to get there.
-Fine.

I really don't understand the logic of asking people if there's anything hazardous, terroristic, etc. in the package. That's like saying "Are you trying to mail something that shouldn't be mailed?" Well, gosh, you found me out. And threatening me with "at LEAST" three days to get from Champaign-Urbana to the Chicago suburbs? I got a letter to England in that amount of time. Clearly, they're planning to send it by donkey to punish me for using the basic service. Props to the post office for being the only self-financed government branch, but seriously.