They Know Where You Live

An unfortunate consequence of buying things in the modern age is that it gets you put on lists.

My parents get deluged with catalogs all the time, although my mom actually enjoys reading them. I used to too, until at some point I realized that I basically had everything that I need, which kind of takes the fun out of shopping.

Last year I bought a lumbar support cushion from an outdoor store, and Megan and I now receive three (3) different outdoor catalogs featuring practical, comfortable, slightly frumpy clothes, which we never buy.

This year I bought extra long pajama pants for Charles from Casual Male XL, which instantly generated two (2) WEEKLY fat people catalogs (hey, where else are you supposed to buy your loveseat-sized chairs?) Unless this is a secret government program to get the fat people in shape with the exertion of carrying their recycling to the curb, it's just killing trees. I called the company and asked them to take me off the mailing list.

"See, here's the thing," I lied through my teeth. "I found you through your website. If I ever want to order from you again, I'll just do it through the website."

"Oh," they said, "we'll take you off the mailing list for now, but whenever you order again, you'll have to call again and take yourself off the list again. It's automatic."

That's it- from now on, I'm going for anonymous cash in person in physical stores. The internet is too much of a hassle. Alternative moral: do not order anything embarrassing online. One little adult incontinence product or bondage device could get you put on any number of lists.